Do you count the efforts?

I still find thing is so difficult in a new job I had this recent month.
Beside all the ‘don’t understand’ and ‘confuse’ things that happened almost everytime I did the job,
I still got some others troubles to deal with.

I don’t know if it is okay for me to do a complain or not.
But, to have your several works are not used as they’re supposed to, it’s just a hurt.
I spent few hours in front of PC, searched for information here and there, asked everyone I can,
This still had nothing to do with all the emotional and pressure I had everytime I did it.
And finally, it’s paid with a ZERO result.
Can you feel what I feel, people?
Nothing can hit you more than what you did was not appreciated in every kind of ways.

Oh, yes. I am sad.
But, I still try to believe that everything’s happened for a reason (superb cliche).
And by the un-accepted work of mine, it’s going to mean something.
Maybe my work is not good enough.
Maybe my work is not proper enough to be sent to public.
Maybe I had not do my best to accomplish the task.
Maybe I am not suitable for this kind of….
Hmmm, let’s skip the last one.

One day, I used to put myself as a student who are doing assignments.
Once it’s accomplished, I get ten.
If I failed, be ready for nothing.
I try to bear in mind, if that is how I should figure what I am doing right now.

I almost broke down (again) today,
Seeing all my efforts was just flown away as it was nothing.
But, seeing that all the good things must come from one or two fucked up things, 
I’ll try to take it all lightly. 

I hope I could. 
Or, at least, I hope all the positive though I’d mentioned before, could be last, 
or the one, or two, or four months later. 
Forever is better. 
Because that’s how lifes will rule you, isn’t it? 
Amen.

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