In state of sanity

Last few days had been passed with a hang out, and full-of-thought chit chat with friends.

And, here comes this one which had disctract my mine since last night.

When will I get satisfy with what I’ve been doing?

I know that wise man will say that, “Don’t get yourself feel satisfy too early, because it will stop you keep fighting”.

Yes, I know.

The thing is, I feel like walking with a blurred goal ahead. I know there’s something to achieve. But, what and when? It still seems unclear.

Therefore, I try to reminisce my life few months and years back.  A time when I was daydreaming of US. I was mad of all the application letters for scholarship. A moment when I was waiting impatiently for any kind of job which coming towards me. And many other excitements, of lots of thing I want to achieve.

Which had started to evaporate, all of nowhere, today.

Friends at my age might think that it isn’t the time anymore to think about dream and all the thing that logically impossible for us to achieve. Because as the time is ticking, you’re lost your time dreaming for something that is … yeah you may say it, useless?

Yet for me, the time hasn’t up. I still have few years to try everything. To fix the failure, printing all the application papers, doing the essay for motivation letters, creating the reference letters (which somehow is the most boring task to do), and beating up the better score for toefl or whatever-english-test required.

Until when?

I’ve still get no idea. Maybe the third years of my tried (last year was the first)? Or… I don’t know, buddy. To imagine that I will not make it in my life, is still a huge hurt. So, don’t force me to even have a slight thought about it.

This is the end of my notes.

Again, when will I stop?

Maybe until it comes the time when I’ve got no more power to do the daydream anymore.

I’m sure some of my friends here will do so! :)

 

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